What an up-and-down day. Work was pretty boring in the morning, but then took an exam for one of my required training classes, and passed (got 90%, 85% needed to pass). So that was good.
Then got a call from my parents. Both my grandparents that I actually know/have been close with - they're both my parental grandparents, but have been divorced for ages - have been doing kind of badly. My grandfather was recently diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. Then a few days ago my grandmother had a pretty bad fall and had to be hospitalized. She was doing pretty awful as she was refusing meds. My dad has authority to make her medical decisions for her, but managed to convince her to take pain meds without having to exert that authority, so that was good. She's recovering more slowly than we hoped, but she's okay now.
My grandfather was recently moved into hospice care though, and since moving there he has deteriorated rapidly. It's to the point where he's no longer eating, and he doesn't drink very much. They say he has a few days, maybe a week or so at most. My parents are trying to get out there this weekend, to hopefully be there when he passes. I don't really have that luxury, what with my job - but I'm kind of grateful for that? I'm sad he's so close to death, and I want to be there for him, but I can't help selfishly wondering what I would realistically be able to do for him - sitting there and waiting for him to pass away in his sleep. So in a way I'm glad I won't be able to go until he passes and I get bereavement leave.
In the meantime I have to go about living my own life. As frustrating as it is to not be able to support him in a closer way, I know that my grandfather is at that point where my support would be almost unnoticed, sad as it is. I managed to see him a couple months ago, right before I graduated from school. At that point he had wasted away relative to the last time I had seen him. He looked old in a way he never had before, with his body frail and weak.
It was his eyes that were the most disturbing though. When I walked into the room and looked at him, he looked empty, vacant. Like the light behind his eyes was gone.
But then we stepped into his room, and a nurse wheeled him over to us, and he saw me.
"Who's that tall guy," he squeaked out. His voice was weak but there was still humor there.
And his eyes twinkled, even as they stared with an unintentional intensity.
That's how I choose to know him, even now. A sharp-witted man who always looks for humor to brighten the room, and refuses to shave his beard no matter how many nurses try to convince him. I wasn't as close with my grandfather as I would have liked, but I love him very much, and always will.
I didn't expect to write all that when I sat down to write this post. I wanted to express the swings of my day, and give a synopsis, but I didn't mean to delve this deeply. It's okay though, and I hope you guys don't mind, because writing it was cathartic for me. I'm not looking for anyone to focus on it in the thread or anything. But I also tend to share parts of my life itt anyway, so, there it is.
To finally sum up what I initially meant this post to be:
After hearing the news about my grandfather, I was sad and dejected of course. But I didn't want to wallow. I had known rationally that some point sooner rather than later I would have to start saying goodbye.
So I went about the rest of my evening as usual. I watched some TV (Scrubs, to get me in better spirits), and made the decision to grind some Zone 25nl on Bovada. I almost didn't, because of obvious emotional reasons, but in the end, I wanted to play.
I started 2 tabling 25nl, and realized quite quickly that I was playing well. It's not so much that I was running big bluffs that worked or that I was making big value hands and getting paid. It was more that I was just being disciplined. I was opening quite wide preflop, and was beginning to 3b closer to my normal %'s for Zone 25nl (I 3b less at lower limits). When I got played back at in spots where villains usually have strong hands, I didn't even FEEL stubborn. I just folded. And in a number of spots in multiway pots against weak ranges where normally I would have checked through, I put bets or raises in that I knew were profitable.
In fact I basically just chipped up slowly but surely for the first hour or so. It wasn't until later that I started to heat up and win bigger hands. I'll probably look for these hands later, but in one spot I 4b 43 BTN vs. BB, and the BB flatted. I flopped a pair and a wheel draw on an A high board, and he checked. I cbet and he essentially clicked it back. Call it spew, call it a feeling, call it "I just didn't see what he could have," but I didn't put him on an A or a PP, so I jammed. He called it off getting an insane price with T9s. He turned a FD but I managed to hold with 4th pair to take it down.
Then I cb in a 3b pot, got called, and turned the world, getting a backdoor NFD and a gutshot. I jammed and got snapped off by a worse FD. I held and my A high was good.
After that it slowed down some, but big pots developed from time to time. I managed to get it in as a 90% favorite 3way on K53 two tone holding 33. AA and TT were no good on the river, and that pot careened me to a $130 stack on one of my tables. I broke even for a while after that and eventually lost a stack in a spot where I was probably not doing any better than flipping against villains range (we flop top and bottom on AKQ after calling PFR and going 3way - gii OTT vs. JT and can't spike 4-outer).
It was nice to post a real winner. None of this +0.3 BI's stuff. Obviously poker isn't just about big winning sessions, but it's been a long time since I've had one. My online roll sits at just about $240, so I'm feeling very comfortable playing 25nl. I'm still trying to hold off on mixing in 50 until I can top off pretty easily even when I lose some big pots back to back. I may start mixing it in as soon as $400 or so, but the goal is to wait until I've got at least $600. We'll see how that goes though
All in all, a stressful day, but I know I'll get through all this and probably manage to be a better person for it and whatnot too. Depending on the timing of things this thread may go a little dead at some point. So if and when that happens: cheers, thanks for your support and interest, and I'll catch ya next time.