Tell me you're bad at poker without telling me you're bad at poker

[TeUnit]

They open limp and they absolutely love open limping with players sitting out.

Another one of my favorites is they high blind limp to micro stacks and then fold - this is usually on the bubble.

 

[Balou1982]

I have to say, when you play against hundreds of players in a freeroll or big tourney you can´t give anything on this statement - it is like a roulette game all the way and you can play it seriously but this is not the key to victory against many players who seem to be tilt and behave in a wrong way.

 

[Suns of Beaches]

"Is this real chips or play money?"
"Can you cash out in the internet?"
"Is online poker not rigged"
"What is better, a straight or a flush?"
"Did i play that correctly?"
"Allin!" "Check!" "Fold!" (while out of turn)...
"iiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa iiiiiiiiaaaaaaa" ( and other random donkey noises).

Stuff i heard from new players in private low limit homegames years ago.

 

[martDdart]

Fold instead of checking

 

[Station_Master]

Joining a cash game table with 56.2bb

 

[Tero]

I always sit at the best position... next to a bar.

 

[SpanRmonka]

Aww man, if only I hadn't just punted off 3/4 my stack with A9o last hand......now I have KK!

 

[najisami]

What is something that only new or poor poker players say/do at the table?

Let's start with when they lose a hand to that 1-out terrible river card (we all know that feeling) and then, instead of shrugging it off, they go off on a tilty rant about how poker is rigged or the winner is a horrible player for even being in the hand in the first place.

- Playing every hand and only limping.
- Betting the minimum.
- Always stating that they're the unluckiest in the world.
- Blaming the sites and other players for their own failures.

 

[mattiebumpo]

Call with any two cards and say, "but it was suited!"

 

[rhoudini]

“Oh, I love to chase draws, specially gutshots!! I sit to play cash games with less than 100 BB and I don't care about that, because I don't play cash games too often! I also don't pay attention to what is happening at my table, because who cares who I am playing against? Cards are cards, and poker is just a card game. When playing a tournament, who cares about ICM? I just play PKOs and try to bust people, isn't that the point? And now I just love this mystery bounty thing!! Another thing that I do is overvalue my hands, specially when I receive a pair of aces after 200 hands without receiving a good hand, I need to go all-in even if someone reraises me in a board like 9♠7♠5♠ and even if I don't have the A♠. Also, I don't care about playing in position. I see my cards, I like them, I play them. And, of course, when I lose, I just blame my bad luck. Some things just happen against me, of course, and I just lose at this game because of my bad luck. Curiously, my bad luck is lasting 5 years, but someday it will go away, I am sure.”

 

[okeedokalee]

"I new that would happen"

 

[lcid86]

If it wasn't for bad luck I would win every hand!

 

[s0ftdumps]

straight to sharkscope after losing a hand or a bad beat.

 

[hobojim1247]

I raise pre flop anytime I have an ace regardless of my 2nd card and my position.
LOL

 

[Poker_Mike]

I have nothing against this PLAYER but when I read the OP on this thread it made me think of this recent exchange in the text box....

I raise preflop and flop a full house. He calls from BB preflop and check down to the river and PLAYER bets OOP and I raise 3/4 pot for nice value and he pays me with his overpair and proceeds to tilt.

Dealer: Showdown: Main pot, 9,504 chips
Dealer: PhatPeter shows [ 6s 6d ]
Dealer: PLAYER mucks
Dealer: PhatPeter wins 9,504 chips with: Full House, Sixes Full of Threes
PLAYER: why do i ever call yu have no skills
PLAYER: nice hand once again i do to a 2 outer preflop
PhatPeter: no skills but i got ur chips LOL
PhatPeter: thx
PLAYER: flopping a fullhouse is how u won unless u r the dealer also u have no skills
PhatPeter: sir - if i flop a full house then I don't need skills lol
PLAYER: but apparently I am even worse thn u
PhatPeter: now we're getting closer to the truth lol
PLAYER: that is my point exactly
PhatPeter: it's just an unlucky hand for you that's all
PLAYER: my call was terrible because u have no skills
PLAYER: I did not trigger a bluff because u have no skills
PLAYER: that was my point
PhatPeter: oh wait...I'm sorrry
Dealer: ** Hand [ 1121539884 ] started **
PLAYER: no actually i played it terribly
PLAYER: because you have no bluffs
PLAYER: my river bet was a bet fold and like an idiot I called u

 

[Sebbour]

What is something that only new or poor poker players say/do at the table?

Let's start with when they lose a hand to that 1-out terrible river card (we all know that feeling) and then, instead of shrugging it off, they go off on a tilty rant about how poker is rigged or the winner is a horrible player for even being in the hand in the first place.

Two live game anegdotes that I remember from the days I played live.

1. After busting out of a local tournament he said: "But I was again ahead preflop!"

2. One player declared all in and everyone folded to the only other guy that hasn't folded yet and then after a pause with serious face he says: "Raise!"

 

[Luvepoker]

Why would you say it was a bad hand to play. OK it was 7 and 2 but they were suited and that gives me 3% more chance of winning the hand.

 

[Poker_Mike]

Personally I love when I am beat in live play and they ask me what my hand was...

And I tell them, "I had the other thing."

And they look totally puzzled and ask, "What other thing?" LOL

It makes me want to get into another hand with them immediately!

 

[dreamer13]

You did everything right, but you still lost.Take a break, relax, analyze the hand, remember the essence of poker and the role of luck in it, and don’t start playing if you haven’t returned to normal.

 

[perrywh]

Playing any two suited UTG and calling any raise!

 

[riff_raff312]

What are outs we're not playing baseball here this is cards right!
Two pair beat 3 of a kind , most of the time?

 

[Andyreas]

I've got another one:
Why didn't I win this hand? I have three pair and he only has two!!!111

 

[Reload]

Everyone knows that I bluff every time, so I'm going to this next time: I'M bluffing ALL THE WAY AGAIN!

 

[zorro222_zorro222]

Online
1. They play every hand but only limp
2. They usually tilt very easy

Live
1. The way they cut their chips when betting and the way they remove their chips from the rack when they first sit down.
2. Usually the way they look at their cards and how they sit in their chair.

 

[Poker Orifice]

Does 2 pair beat 3-of-a-kind?