I’ve only had to deposit once, so far. I got a bit lucky in my first few mtt and took my $50 deposit up to about $450 and have kept it there, with small fluctuations. I only play micro stakes mtt. I final tabled on my 3rd game and cashed for like $60, but I got a bit reckless and lost it all, back down to a roll of $50. Then on my 65th and 74th games I placed 3rd and 1st, which is what brought my
bankroll up to where it is now. I’m maybe $30 under where I was after the 1st place win after playing another 400 or so mtts.
I’m sort of proud of those stats, but I’m also not happy with them because I tend to be too tight when it comes to actually playing. I wish I could play a lot more, but I dont Really have the time, and I also have this strange fear of losing that can steer me away from entering tournaments at all. It’s frustrating and I’m trying to deal with it by taking a chunk of my relatively large micro stake roll and spend my days off playing as many games as I can, just to try to desensitize myself. I feel like I’m a solid player, with strategy that improves whenever i do play, but my biggest flaw is my inability to commit to playing more games.
I think it all stems from how hard I can be on myself when it comes to assessing my own performance. I shouldn’t be judging my overall skill and ability on any single game, just as I shouldn’t with any single hand. What’s funny is that I would do this same thing with play money over at
poker stars. So it isn’t really about losing money, per se, but more about losing in general. I need to stop looking at mtt poker this way, where my idea of a bad outcome is anything but cashing. I just need to get over the fact that there will be times where it doesn’t matter how well I play, or how good my hole cards are during a game; I can play as solid as any player can play, but there will still be a certain percentage of games where I just can’t win enough
hands to cash or make a run at the FT.
Anyway, that’s my little story about my online deposit. I hope to never have to deposit again, and just keep building my bankroll from mtt winnings, and if I stick to micro stakes I could prob withstand quite an extreme period of variance. But my goal is to reach $1000 from micro mtt winnings and then make the step to low stakes. I just need to find more time to play, which is hard when you are only playing mtt, which takes many hours. I think this is why it’s so hard to climb up to higher stake levels in mtt: it takes the better part of a day to actually win, and a good 5+ hours to cash.