2k Post: Sharing My Story

[Matt Vaughan]

Well, here I am again, with another thousand posts gone and behind me. They came a bit faster this time, but given I already had something in mind to contribute for this milestone, I figured I'd suck it up and make it public. I'll try not to give any disclaimers, but here's a bit of background:

I took a seminar class on free will last semester, and for my final writing assignment I wrote a sci fi short story. In part as a way to motivate myself to work harder on it, I asked people on CC if they'd be interested in reading the final draft once I'd turned it in. The response was surprisingly large - so it's sort of been stuck in the back of my mind that it would make a good 2k milestone.

So without further ado, here is a link to my short story:

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B798hhtHltD0Z1kyMnpaQUhtOTQ/edit?usp=sharing

 

[WVHillbilly]

Doesn't load for me. Looks like it should but no text is displayed.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Will wait to see if anyone else has issues, but is there another way I can give access to it? Like attach the word doc?

 

[tenbob]

Loads fine for me, gonna print it off tomorrow and read it when i get an hours peace. Thanks !

 

[LarkMarlow]

Ditto--link worked great. And, like TB I'm going to print it over the weekend. Really looking forward to the read.

Congrats on your 2K (+) post--you're a wonderful asset to CC.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Yeah I think it's just you WV. Try updating your browser if it's not on the latest version.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Ditto--link worked great. And, like TB I'm going to print it over the weekend. Really looking forward to the read.

Congrats on your 2K (+) post--you're a wonderful asset to CC.

Garsh.

 

[WVHillbilly]

Latest FF but I'll be damned if I see anything below the header. Oh well. Congrats on 2k.

 

[hobonc]

Your writing is very readable. The punctuation is great and I didn't find any errors.

The main characters were interesting although a little more development would be a plus.

Your plot has lots of potential but the story lines don't tie in as well as I'd like. Dr. Tjener's work, for example, we know it exposed the lack of free will and led to the Conclusion, but what did it have to do with John's activation? It just seems to me that Dr. Tjener's work doesn't lend enough substance to the over-all plot climax.

This is also somewhat true with Hope. I think there needs to be more of a tie in to the climax of the plot for her. When the characters are introduced and interacted with, then not tied solidly into the plot, they run the risk of becoming viewed simply as "filler" between the beginning and end of the story. Now, if maybe Hope had not shown for a date and went missing in the days before John's activation, and John investigated this finding hints that she had been activated already, this would tie her into the plot stronger (in addition to being a great opportunity for adding suspense in the form of mystery).

One last critique, as if I haven't slammed it enough already, I'm sure you know that all stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. For a short, your beginning is very nice, the middle is OK but bogs down slightly, and the end is kinda abrupt. Not in the sense that John discovers his activation right at the end; what I mean is it goes right from the middle to the end with little segue except for John's stomach cramps.

Please don't take my criticism the wrong way or let it discourage any at all. Like I said to begin with, your writing is great and your story has lots of potential. The only writing I have done in college courses was non-fiction so my critique is strictly amature.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Not discouraged in the slightest, and I agree with every critique you gave. If I'm being 100% honest, the story would have been longer, with better development and less abruptness had I not had a deadline. The style very much mirrors when I was doing the writing (let's just say it got a bit down to the wire.)

I appreciate you taking time out to put such thoughtful criticism

Additionally, I think a big thing that happened was that I got bogged down in ideas. I tried to put to much in in a very limited space both time and area wise. Thanks again for reading

 

[hobonc]

I kinda figured that time restraints were probably the case. I would like to re-emphisize that your writing is very nice and this story shows off a lot of your creative ability. While I could interpretate history, formulate arguements, and write them out, I have zero creative ability. Thanks for posting and allowing us to read your story.

 

[LarkMarlow]

Latest FF but I'll be damned if I see anything below the header. Oh well. Congrats on 2k.

Yeah, FF wouldn't let me open it either so I pasted the link into Chrome and bingo! It is, after all, a google doc.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Bahahaha. Sorry didn't think to try it in FF to see if it worked for me there!

 

[XXPXXP]

congrats on 2K post

but....link is not working...nothing displayed

 

[Matt Vaughan]

congrats on 2K post

but....link is not working...nothing displayed

Try using Chrome if you've been using Firefox

link it`s working.nice!!

Thanks

 

[Tinie107]

Congrats on the 2K post! Nice story also

 

[Boocha]

Works fine for me in FF. I like the story a lot. Very readable but not in a dumbed down way at all. Very personal and intriguing like a Harlan Ellison story.

 

[Matt Vaughan]

Thanks for reading, all

 

[TheDarkShadow]

I am reading at all later.