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Message: [QUOTE="Matt Vaughan, post: 2308488, member: 34747"] Well, here it is. The post I didn't want to have to write. The update I didn't want to have to give. But the moment is here, and I'm not going to let my disappointment and feelings of inadequacy stop me from posting and trying to learn from this. I'm just gonna come out and say it: I lost more than 40% of my bankroll in the last two days. I joined a private online game that I'm not going to go into any details about, but suffice it to say that I played about 200 hands of $1/$2 online yesterday, and lost nearly 3 BI's. The play is basically like a live game, so I kind of tried to think about it like an 8-hour session so I wouldn't feel as bad, but there it was: [COLOR="Red"]-$540.[/COLOR] There were certainly some hands I massacred, or where I just wasn't sure what to do and took an aggro line. I was also way too loose preflop. This was partly a byproduct of the dynamics, since everyone else was so loose and relatively passive. But it was also partly some laziness and lack of discipline on my part. In this hand, I thought I was gonna get him to fold out basically any 6x. And he might have... if he had had 6x: $1/$2 Home Game No Limit Holdem PokerStars 7 Players Hand Conversion Powered by [b][url=http://weaktight.com/]weaktight.com[/url][/b] [b]Stacks:[/b] UTG ([color="#0000cc"]$263[/color]) 132bb UTG+1 ([color="#0000cc"]$243[/color]) 122bb [b]MP ([color="#0000cc"]$836[/color]) 418bb[/b] [b]CO ([color="#0000cc"]$173[/color]) 87bb[/b] [b]scourrge (BTN) ([color="#0000cc"]$205[/color]) 103bb[/b] [b]SB ([color="#0000cc"]$733[/color]) 367bb[/b] [b]BB ([color="#0000cc"]$224[/color]) 112bb[/b] [b]Pre-Flop:[/b] ([color="#0000cc"][b]$3[/b][/color], 7 players) [b]scourrge is BTN[/b] 5♣ 10♣ [color="#777777"][i]2 folds[/i][/color], [color="#cc0000"][b]MP raises to $7[/b][/color], CO calls $7, scourrge calls $7, SB calls $6, BB calls $5 [b]Flop:[/b] 2♥ 5♥ 6♦ ([color="#0000cc"][b]$35[/b][/color], 5 players) SB checks, BB checks, MP checks, [color="#cc0000"][b]CO bets $20[/b][/color], scourrge calls $20, [color="#777777"][i]SB folds[/i][/color], [color="#777777"][i]BB folds[/i][/color], [color="#777777"][i]MP folds[/i][/color] [b]Turn:[/b] 9♥ ([color="#0000cc"][b]$75[/b][/color], 2 players) CO checks, [color="#cc0000"][b]scourrge bets $48[/b][/color], CO calls $48 [b]River:[/b] 3♠ ([color="#0000cc"][b]$171[/b][/color], 2 players) CO checks, [color="#cc0000"][b]scourrge bets $108[/b][/color], [color="#cc0000"][b]CO goes all-in $98[/b][/color] [b]Final Pot:[/b] [color="#0000cc"][b]$367[/b][/color] CO shows a pair of Tens 10♠ 10♥ scourrge shows a pair of Fives 5♣ 10♣ CO wins [color="#0000cc"][b]$350[/b][/color] (net +[color="#0000cc"][b]$177)[/b][/color] scourrge collects [color="#0000cc"][b]$10[/b][/color] (net -[color="#0000cc"][b]$173[/b][/color]) BB lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$7[/b][/color] MP lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$7[/b][/color] SB lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$7[/b][/color] In other hands, I just straight up confused myself entirely. In this next hand, my turn thought process was: "The board is wet, so he's going to bet every Ax in his range, and when I basically x/min-jam he's not going to get away." Clearly flawed, but there you go: $1/$2 Home Game No Limit Holdem PokerStars 7 Players Hand Conversion Powered by [b][url=http://weaktight.com/]weaktight.com[/url][/b] [b]Stacks:[/b] UTG ([color="#0000cc"]$467[/color]) 234bb [b]scourrge (UTG+1) ([color="#0000cc"]$139[/color]) 70bb[/b] MP ([color="#0000cc"]$663[/color]) 332bb [b]CO ([color="#0000cc"]$199[/color]) 100bb[/b] [b]BTN ([color="#0000cc"]$259[/color]) 130bb[/b] [b]SB ([color="#0000cc"]$247[/color]) 124bb[/b] [b]BB ([color="#0000cc"]$789[/color]) 395bb[/b] [b]Pre-Flop:[/b] ([color="#0000cc"][b]$3[/b][/color], 7 players) [b]scourrge is UTG+1[/b] 6:club: 6:diamond: [color="#777777"][i]1 fold[/i][/color], [color="#cc0000"][b]scourrge raises to $6[/b][/color], [color="#777777"][i]1 fold[/i][/color], CO calls $6, BTN calls $6, SB calls $5, BB calls $4 [b]Flop:[/b] A:spade: 5:heart: 6:spade: ([color="#0000cc"][b]$30[/b][/color], 5 players) SB checks, BB checks, [color="#cc0000"][b]scourrge bets $20[/b][/color], [color="#777777"][i]1 fold[/i][/color], BTN calls $20, [color="#777777"][i]SB folds[/i][/color], [color="#777777"][i]BB folds[/i][/color] [b]Turn:[/b] J:spade: ([color="#0000cc"][b]$70[/b][/color], 2 players) scourrge checks, [color="#cc0000"][b]BTN bets $52[/b][/color], [color="#cc0000"][b]scourrge goes all-in $113[/b][/color], BTN calls $61 [b]River:[/b] 2:club: ([color="#0000cc"][b]$296[/b][/color], 2 players, 1 all-in) [b]Final Pot:[/b] [color="#0000cc"][b]$296[/b][/color] BTN shows a flush, Ace high Q:spade: 9:spade: scourrge shows three of a kind, Sixes 6:club: 6:diamond: BTN wins [color="#0000cc"][b]$283[/b][/color] (net +[color="#0000cc"][b]$144)[/b][/color] CO lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$6[/b][/color] SB lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$6[/b][/color] BB lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$6[/b][/color] scourrge lost [color="#0000cc"][b]$139[/b][/color] I guess technically it can never be THAT bad, since I have outs, but I think I actually took the nut worst line. I think x/c turn x/f non-paired river is best. Then today I played live and dumped 2 BI's in just a few hours. It felt brutal, especially because I was up a BI within my first half hour at the table. I'm not going to go any hands right in this moment, because most of them were standard, or really good spots where I just ran into the tops of ranges, OR the mistake I made was pretty obvious. One thing I need to start drilling into my head is having my default be to fold when facing x/r's. When all was said and done tonight, my roll was decreased to about 7 BI's for 1/2. I'm back to where I was when I first started playing live, and it's frankly not a good feeling. I'm terrified to even look up hypothetical risk-of-ruin calculations, especially since those assume a win-rate. And yeah, as stupid as it may sound, things like these shake my confidence to an astounding degree. I'm technically a losing player in live games. 95% of the time when I sit down at a live table, I'm confident I'm the best player at the table. Often, it's not even close. But despite this, having terrible results over what [I]feels[/I] like a long time is really starting to get to me. But I need to take a step back. My hours right now are not very high. My sample is close to meaningless, so why get bothered by it? The truth is, if I had a bigger roll, I might not be bothered by it at all. After all, I've only lost about 5 BI's in the last few days. If I had a 30 BI roll, and was clearly a winning player, would I give a crap? Probably not. But I have to realize that even if I bust my roll, I'll be back. I might have to take a break from poker until I've got a disposable income. But I think part of the panic setting in is the realization that I could very easily bust my bankroll. And I really don't want to. This post started to get a little heavy and depressing, but I'm getting something out of it. So I hope no one feels too bad for me or whatever. I'm trying really hard not to feel bad for myself. Or about myself. Or something. The end. [/QUOTE]

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